如果可以五选一

如果可以五选一

在孩子的教育过程中，什么是重要的，什么是次要的？或者说，你希望孩子长大后，具备什么样的能力和素质？我想到了几点。

When it comes to educating children, what is the most important, and what comes second? In other words, what qualities and abilities do you hope your children will develop as they grow up? I have a few thoughts on this.

一是心态，乐观、积极、充满阳光，而不是悲观、消极、冷漠无感。

First is their mindset: to be optimistic, positive, and cheerful, rather than pessimistic, negative, or emotionally indifferent.

二是品行，善良、大度、有爱心，而不是自私、贪婪、嗔心重，甚至道德败坏。

Second is their character: to be kind, generous, and loving, steering clear of selfishness, greed, aversion, or moral decline.

三是健康，注重锻炼，饮食有度，而不是小小年纪就虚弱无力，或营养过剩。

Third is their health: prioritizing exercise and balanced nutrition, rather than allowing them to become frail or overnourished at a young age.

四是能力，爱好众多，具有艺术素养，而不是除了功课外一无所知。

Fourth is their abilities: developing diverse interests and artistic literacy, rather than limiting them to schoolwork alone.

五是成绩，主要指学业的分数。

Fifth is their academic performance, primarily reflected in their grades.

如果对这五项排序，你会把什么排第一位，什么排第二位？可能多数父母关心的是成绩，关心考了90分还是100分，在班级、学校排名多少。也有父母希望孩子实现自己的愿望，自己没机会做到的，想要孩子做到，强迫孩子学钢琴、学画画，结果把兴趣变成压力，引起孩子的逆反。还有父母把孩子当作面子的一部分，只关心孩子有没有给自己长脸。

Among these five aspects, which would you place first, and which second? For most parents, grades are their top priority—they pay close attention to whether their children score 90 or 100 and how they rank in class or school. Some parents project their unfulfilled dreams onto their children, pushing them into pursuits like piano or painting until these hobbies become pressures, triggering rebellion. Others see their children as extensions of their personal image, only caring if the children bring them honor.

这些外在因素又会带来比较，使不少父母习惯用“别人的孩子”为坐标：你看谁谁谁考得多好，能力多强。殊不知，这种对比很容易让孩子产生压力，带来焦虑、自卑等心理问题。

Under external influences, many parents fall into the habit of comparing their children with others, saying things like, “Look at so-and-so; they do so well and are so capable.” They may not realize that such comparisons can easily burden children with pressure, causing anxiety, low self-esteem, and other psychological issues.

如果不能及时发现并疏导，而是继续施压，孩子往往会在不良情绪中越陷越深。近年来，常常可以听到孩子因为焦虑而厌学，引发抑郁、自闭，甚至走上绝路的消息。

If these problems are not identified and addressed in time, the ongoing stress can lead children to spiral into deeper negative emotions. In recent years, we have frequently heard that children become so anxious that they lose interest in study, leading to depression, social isolation, or even tragic outcomes.

事实上，很多悲剧是可以避免的。所以父母在教育孩子的过程中，一定要看清，什么才是对孩子成长真正有益的。就像很多人不关心健康，生活没规律，饮食无节制，直到把身体拖垮，才发现，没有健康就没有一切。而曾经牺牲健康换来的财富、地位，此时却不能再为你换回健康。

Many tragedies, in fact, can be prevented. This is why parents must understand what genuinely benefits their children’s growth. It’s much like those who neglect their health by leading irregular lives and eating without restraint. Only when their bodies are on the verge of collapse do they realize that without health, everything else is meaningless. By then, wealth and status gained at the expense of health cannot reverse the damage.

父母对孩子也是同样，对以上所说的心态、品行、健康、能力、成绩，心中要有一个排序，知道重点抓什么，而不是问题显现后才懊恼。因为很可能，连补救的机会都没了。

Likewise, parents should prioritize the five aspects of their children’s development—mindset, character, health, abilities, and academic performance—focusing on what truly matters, rather than regretting missed opportunities once issues arise. By then, it is too late to make meaningful changes.

摘自《佛法在家庭教育中的运用》

作者：济群法师

Excerpted from:

Bringing Buddhist Teachings to Family Education

By Master Jiqun